Love is Suicide

An amazing revelation has come over me.

As much as I wish for love, as hard as I look. I'm beginning to feel like maybe it won't happen. Someday possibly, but at the moment, all my attempts at any form of relationship with a woman just falls to the floor like a crumpled piece of paper. After I spend so much time carefully folding and creasing said paper into a swan. It returns to me in a crumpled up ball, and I've tried. I must not give up, I suppose.

This is so hard though, I haven't had to jump into this sort of thing in a long long time. And it's not easy getting back into it. I will continue trying however, there are many many women out there, many of whom which I would love to be with and vice-versa. I just need to find one of them, see how it goes. And move on from there.

Until next time,

Keep you chin up
A smile on your face
It'll be worth it
It's going to be great

Bum

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Life's a Beach

Been so long.

Life's dramas and stresses crashed down upon my soul and I stood there in it's wake. Staring it down as it fell upon me. It slowly passed, and it caused pain and torment, but I did not budge. I have not given up on life, and I shall never give up on life so easily as that. After the waves were merely puddles around my feet, I did not turn around to watch it leave. I moved forward. And I will ever move forward from here on out.

I began to walk down my beach, barefoot, sand squishing through my toes, the sounds of waves erupting behind me. I made it past my storm, and no matter how minute it may seem in the coming years with a whole life ahead of me. It was harsh, it tore away at my skin, and suffocated my mind. And it seems like it isn't ready to give up on me, but it will not succeed. I will prevail and I will stay ahead of it from here on out. I look ahead to the distance. There are trees. Groves of them, and suddenly I feel calm inside, my emotions flood out of me in great waves of relief, and I feel fine.

Before I enter the forest, I ask myself whether or not I should look back once more at the beautiful nightmare I had left behind me. But the trees, so full of life and a newness that I was eager to discover were too enticing. And besides, it's not as if there was anything left for me from the beach other than that torrential storm . And no matter how pleasing that beach may have been at one point, there are new places to see. And oh how I want to see these new sights, take in their beauty, feel at peace and be happy again.

In my life, I will encounter many people. I will love. I will be loved. I will make love. And I will be happy. Life's too short to ruin things so early in the beginning. For that beach I left behind. I hope one day, it is able to be as beautiful as it was for me to somebody else who will enjoy it as much as I did. My future lies elsewhere. And as I begin to step into the forest, I raise a hand to my side and flash the peace sign over my shoulder to the beach. And I raise my other hand as I enter my new surroundings, as my other drops, and I wave to the new faces. And for the first time in a long time, I smile with true happiness.

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Trillian Bajillion

My father snores...makes it hard to sleep..

Nuff said.

Except...I love you my Sho. My beautiful woman, the love of my life.

Stay Strange

StrangeBum

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Smart Roast Coffee

So here I am just outside of Tucson in Busbee, Arizona. Just a little family vacation to Kartchner Caverns..which I need to say was quite stunning. It's been a long time since I've seen such an amazing piece of nature. I plan on taking my Sho to a cave now, I want to see more of them, it's really an amazing thing to witness in person and I know that Sho would love to tour through one, it's dark and quiet and just absolutely amazing.

Otherwords...I love having free internet, high-speed too..wewt!

So yeah...I will get back on later to type up a bit more info about all that is going on. Peace out.

Stay Strange

StrangeBum

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Lifeless and Reluctant

So it seems that things are much better between Sho and I. We haven't really been arguing, not much. And if we did, it's only because one of us was in a bad mood and we eventually saw what the other was feeling and it was fine.

WE HAVE LOVE DAMMIT!!!!!!

And that's all that matters to me, is her.

I thank god every morning I wake up and every night before bed that I have her in my life. Without her, I would be a total wreck, destroying myself probably with depression and abuse. I really wouldn't have anything to live for without her being in my life. So yeah, thank you god, you have answered my prayers to bringing me happiness once more.

And for you Sho, god I just love you so much. Bear with me right now, I know I'm being clingy and stuff, but when all I get is able to talk with you on the phone I just can't get enough. Once you are back and in my arms, I will chill out, don't worry. And I know you still must be weary at times about my love and devotion for you, don't be, I am completely 100 and 10 thousand % devoted to you..haha. Not a second goes by without my mind being stuck on you. Every step I take, will be one step forward to showing you this, to showing you that I mean it and that I want to spend my life with you. And it will start off with a little gift here and there...and my car. The next big step will be when we get around to moving out, and I am dead serious about getting that done as soon as possible. We just have to wait until the time comes when we are able to do that.

The moon glows and I see your smile,
and every second with you is worthwhile.
Not a thing will get in my way this time,
listen to my words and I know you'll find,
just how much I really love you.
Just exactly how much I truly care,
my heart beats your name through and through.
God knows I love you, he knows we are a perfect pair.
Listen to my sweet sappy song,
and gaze in the mirror look upon my muse.
Our lives will start before to long,
that's a fact it's not just a ruse.
Feel my love it's warmth is great,
I feel yours and it makes me happy.
The love we share is enough to celebrate,
it's overwhelming and fills me with glee.

Damn I just love you so much. It's unbelievable. I wish there was more I could do to show you, haha. But all I can do for now is let you know, I love you, I care for you, I cherish you, I belong with you and once again.....

I LOVE YOU!

Stay Strange

StrangeBum

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Shallow Alaska

Man..how fucking hectic my emotions can become sometimes..I completely fucking broke down today. I think part of it was because I was having bad nic-fits and also because I just felt, I guess, shunned. I know Sho loves me and cares for me deeply. But she sure knows how to fuck over my emotions too, and I guess it's my fault for being too emotional sometimes, but damn.

I just really love her greatly, and I don't ever want anything to bring us apart again. And it seems like I might become that downfall, I really need to become more stable, but I've been through so much with her, I can't fucking help it. Hopefully I can better myself for her. I know I can, but I want to quickly.

It's not exactly easy
I've been here before
My stomach feeling queasy
As I'm reaching for the door
I just want to get out
Get back to my love
But as much as I may shout
It never is enough
I'm killing myself to leave
But I'm not dying on her
A bit further and I'm free
And my feelings sum up in a word
Love, that's what I feel
It's right there before me
It almost isn't real
Even though I can see
I'm out of that black hole
The door was open, her inside
Her love makes me whole
My love for her I confide
I reach for her hand
She pulls away, and why
I pull myself to stand
As I stare into her eyes

"I love you, my dear
You helped me through it all
I got past my fear
and up over my wall"
A smile across her face
A warmth rushes my veins
Beside her I take my place
And then we hold hands
We march out of darkness
Towards a bright future
It's song, beautifully hearkens
Our love, made so pure

Stay Happy

OddBum

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Hold is Like Hell

Here I am, stuck on hold. Kill me.

Talking with someone special and very dear to me though, my Sho. How I very deeply love and care for her.

Typing with one hand is a hindrance.

I really love her so much though, I'm constantly just overwhelmed with feelings of love and happiness now and she is the source of it all. Sho means the world to me, more than the world to be honest.

Dammit, fuck hold, fuck one-handed typing, I am not a fucking cripple. I'm just tired, cranky and want to shower.

StayStrange

Fuck'pleasehold'Bum

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